In Praise of Laziness (and Also Me)
Ah, the holidays. They can be a time of joyful family gatherings, partaking of culinary favorites, revisiting old friends and old memories, refreshing travel, and merely relaxing. They can also be a time of exhaustion, seasonal madness, unwanted family obligations, unwelcome expenses, heightened stress levels, and feeling overwhelmed by all the things we are supposed to be enjoying.
This week, I will bring yet another episode from the early days of this series of articles. It is very appropriate for the way many people are feeling today. In another context, I described it thus: More and more people are becoming more and more crazy.
And, to reduce my stress, may I suggest you make a quick stop - after reading to the end of the article, of course - at my Buy Me A Coffee page? I don’t think your contributions are tax deductible but I guess you can try if you are feeling lucky.
Just cut and paste this URL and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing you are supporting someone who, in another life, might have become your best friend.
Finally, before this week’s homily, let me offer an update on the book I frequently mention. Kon-Tiki 2 has been officially renamed. You can now wait for the release of We’re Sinking But Not Tonight. But, hopefully, another major step in the process of getting it released has been passed. The book proposal has been sent to many publishers in the US, the UK, Sweden, and Norway (Torgeir’s home ground). In addition, you can look for it to be promoted at many of the major European book fairs near you. Stay tuned. For what is supposed to be a glacier-like process, this is moving at warp speed.
And, besides a thrilling sea tale of danger and exploration, what else can you expect to find in WSBNT? Let me present Exhibit A:
"I had given my word" is a very small phrase, but one with a big meaning. Some people give their word every day. They make promises without keeping them or even intending to keep them. Or they keep promises as long as convenient then walk away with a casual, “I changed my mind.” On the sea, you cannot do that. You get to a point in your life when keeping your word is more important than other options, even when they would be easier or more logical. To break a solemn promise is worse than any other failure. Ernest Hemingway described it in his simple terms: I will do my duty. And what is your duty? What I said I would do.
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In Praise of Laziness (and Also Me)
There are times in life when we find ourselves experiencing high levels of stress. Expats are not exempt. Often, these are due to causes outside of our control. Common reactions to them can be heightened anxiety, elevated blood pressure, snapping at the people around us, temporary escape in its various forms, and staying so busy that we don’t have time to think about the problems.
I want to propose a new, consciously chosen response – being lazy. But I am thinking of being physically lazy in combination with a stoic mental acceptance that we cannot control events in the world. The Stoics taught that it is not the event itself but our response to the event which causes pain and anxiety. Perhaps so. Perhaps a better response would be to create a little island of retreat where, instead of being busy, busy, busy, we might take a little time to indulge in being lazy and saying, “It just doesn’t matter.” Specifically, I propose that you be lazy… and unrepentant about it. When you are feeling overwhelmed, take a little time off to reset your brain and your body. Simply rebooting solves many computer problems. If it works for computers, why not for humans? Probably, if you look under the surface of many expats, you might find a rebooted human.
To continue my own reflections about this laziness option, I want to introduce a conversation from long ago. It was in a famous book, Arthur Conan Doyle’s A Study in Scarlet, in which the world was introduced to Sherlock Holmes. In this exchange, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson have just met and are considering sharing a flat at, that’s right, 221b Baker Street. Before reaching a final agreement, Watson, a wounded war veteran, suggests that they should each disclose any personal characteristics and habits which might irritate a roommate. Holmes mentions some of the qualities that later made him such a celebrated detective and Watson reciprocates with, “I keep a bull pup and I object to rows because my nerves are shaken and I get up at all sorts of ungodly hours and I am extremely lazy.” The rest, as they say, is literary history; this was the beginning of the enduring Sherlock Holmes canon of 60 stories.
But… “I am extremely lazy,” John Watson said. What’s wrong with that? This is the point I wish to explore here, especially as it relates to the expat lifestyle. I come from a background of good, old-fashioned German and Scotch-Irish work ethics. All my life, I have idealized the busy person, the person who gets up and gets started earlier than others, the person who works “smarter, faster, better” as Charles Duhigg puts it in his book of the same name.
Contemporary literature and news stories of real people are replete with references to obsessive behavior. We speak in adulatory terms of people who are eternally busy, filling up every waking moment with something efficiently productive. We are advised to use the littlest windows of time sprinkled throughout our days as opportunities for increased productivity or of furthering our education by making our cars “rolling universities”. Most people who attend stress-management seminars are not there to reduce their stress. They are really there in the hopes of learning to deal with high levels of stress so, rather than reduce their stress, they can endure even higher levels of stress without cracking.
I am not exempt. For example, I have long had the habit of carrying a Kindle with me everywhere I go - in case I am stuck somewhere for five minutes. Borrowing a phrase from an ancient American Express advertisement… I don’t leave home without it. In recent years, thanks to the wonders of Bluetooth headphones, I also began listening to educational podcasts and audiobooks. Now, whenever I am walking or riding public transportation, I can be assured that no moment of my day is “wasted”. Our modern technology allows us to fill, literally, every second of our waking hours. We are even encouraged to listen to something meaningful and valuable while exercising or performing housework rituals.
Yet, as I strived to occupy every moment of my day with something meaningful and valuable, it wasn’t making me happy. Upon reflection, I find this compulsion to be sad. On deeper examination, I find myself unable to justify it. What’s so wrong with Watson being “extremely lazy”? Why is that phrase such a damning description? It certainly didn’t make me happy to feel it was necessary to make a plan to fill every moment with work, work, work. Indeed, it had the opposite effect. As I felt pressure to cram some meaningful and valuable, carefully chosen activity into every minute, I was feeling both guilty that I often failed to discipline myself to achieve that impossible 100% efficiency, and also resentful that I never had time for relaxing and doing nothing more “productive” than watching a movie, listening to some music, spending irreplaceable family time with my young son, baking something that would fill the house with wonderful aromas, or just reading Sherlock Holmes stories.
The conclusion I finally reached and which seems to be the proper balance (for me, at least) is a division between planned productivity and guilt-free indolence. I still have my daily routines, a written list of the urgent/important activities on my calendar each morning, and my selected highest ROI ongoing projects. As much as possible, I stay “offline ‘til lunchtime” so I can work efficiently without interruption. But, after I finish the morning’s essential activities, I enter what I call Watson Time. For my discretionary time, I consider the activities I wish to pursue for the remainder of the day. I now follow those urgent/important morning tasks with what I call my Watson activities – whatever I damn well want to do.
And I am happier for this division of my day between focused, pre-planned, meaningful, and valuable work followed by a guilt-free, unscheduled, unplanned activity which may include but is not limited to pure indolence. For I have concluded that it was not the busyness that I resented. Rather, it was the pressure of trying to attain maximum efficiency with a perfectly planned and executed day. I find it refreshing to join the fabled Dr. Watson and just be “extremely lazy” for a brief interlude. It must be the right choice, at least for me, for I always experience a relaxing sensation accompanied by the single, involuntary exhalation, “Ah, nice!” and wondering why I don’t do this more often.
Sometimes you will find yourself in a situation of being too busy, of feeling overwhelmed by commitments, demands, and choices, or simply when events beyond your control are dominating your thoughts. As an expat, you can also include some daily Watson Time dedicated to that “extremely lazy” git back there at 221b Baker Street. You might want to try the Watson solution of being “extremely lazy” for short periods of time before you re-submerge yourself into the busy, busy, busy-ness.
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I hope these words made you feel better. At least a little better for at least a little while. If so, please make me feel a little better for at least a little while by visiting my Buy Me A Coffee page.
Then come back next week for more expat reflections and observations - most of which will be cogent - and expat experiences - most of which will be true.