Announcing A Hiatus
How does this following announcement relate to the expat topic? Not directly, I admit. Anyone, anywhere can overload and go crazy. Or, as I am prone to say, “I’m not crazy but my life is crazy.” (However, they look about the same.) But, for expats who have made the decision to leave an unfulfilling or unsustainable lifestyle at least once, it is a little easier to recognize the situation and make that subsequent decision again. I may not be relocating but I am retreating and recalibrating. The alliteration, however, continues unabashed and unabated.
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James Beard, at the height of his popularity as a cooking school instructor, cookbook author, and media personality, famously began one of his articles with the announcement, “I am on a diet”. At the time, Beard was weighing nearly 300 pounds. It was seriously affecting his health and his doctors gave him an ultimatum: Lose weight or die. He made the reasonable choice and immediately began exploring lots of menu items that were not laden with the fats and salt that featured so prominently in his cooking. He radically altered his diet and, in doing so, went on to continue to write and cook for many more years.
I have a problem also, but it has nothing to do with weight. I am overworked and it is entirely self-imposed. Recently, I realized that a weekly sabbatical day or even a three-day weekend is not going to solve my problem. Partly, that problem consists of mental state - confusion, overwhelm, and tired brain unable to focus - but an equally important element is pure physical exhaustion. I have depleted my energy reserves. Put succinctly, my lifestyle for the last couple of years has been far too sedentary and far too intense. Everything has been done on the computer. Furthermore, I realized that I couldn’t visualize anything but work and more work, with almost all of it sitting in front of my computer.
Thus, I have decided to take an indefinite hiatus. My body and my mind need a long rest. Commencing immediately, I will stop working on the books and publishing weekly articles online. In general, I will try to stay away from my computer.
So, faithful readers, I bid you farewell for the duration of my online absence. I will miss our interactions and I will miss my work each morning during those quiet hours - while my two roommates sleep - when I can sit at the computer, sip coffee, and compose my thoughts. But a healthy, sustainable lifestyle is the highest priority, and reestablishing that is what I will be doing for the next few weeks or, if necessary, months. Nervous breakdown? No, not really. Just the growing awareness that I have been moving in the wrong direction, expending more energy (both physically and mentally) than I was replenishing. And, as a good old Missouri truism reminded me, “If you keep going the direction you’re headed, you’re gonna get there”.
For inquiring minds that want to know more details, I have no crisis, no medical emergency that I am dealing with. No psychological issues, either. (At least, no major ones. But when a person starts to jump anytime there is a loud voice nearby, that is a pretty good indicator that nerves are stretched too tightly.)
In our modern life, it is virtually impossible to impose a complete digital blackout upon ourselves, even if we wish to do so - and I don’t. I am not trying to entirely deprive myself of communications, research, entertainment, answering trivia questions, correspondence, online ordering and digital payments, plus many other features that remain in the background until we need them. It’s like checking your watch or phone for the time. We may overdo it but we certainly don’t want to stop being punctual for appointments. What I am removing is the incessant urge to be doing something - anything - that involves sitting at my computer.
When one cannot imagine a day without “work”, when the absence of a detailed plan where one always knows the next action step for reaching a specific objective makes one uncomfortable, when one becomes restless for no particular reason, when the prospect of some new learning curve to struggle up seems daunting, when the day’s burn-out point comes earlier and earlier, it is time to stop and smell the roses - before one starts pushing up daisies.
I will not completely remove my digital devices from my life. I have a huge stockpile of good ebooks that I have acquired but never read. I have been horribly remiss in staying in touch with family and friends. There are some things I want to study for the pure joy of learning. There are old movies and music from my digital library that I have not unearthed for years. Too busy working.
So, what am I going to do with myself? I will fill my days with activities that “please the hands and rest the brain” as Gordon MacQuarrie so beautifully stated it. Spending lots of time with my son during his summer holiday from school is a high priority and one of the greatest of pleasures. Visits to the health club - maybe not daily, but frequently - are on the agenda. I have no aspirations to be a bodybuilder; I just want to live to be 100.
I recently learned of a possible place for me and my son to go fishing close enough that “going fishing” does not require a full-day commitment. Living in a megacity offers many advantages but nearby rustic fishing spots are sadly lacking. Fishing can be sophisticated, involving expensive equipment and acquired skills, or it can be as simple as Tom Sawyer’s cane pole and imagining that you and Huck are drifting down the Mississippi on a raft.
Cooking and baking will be a large part of my digital-free lifestyle. As our forefathers (and foremothers) knew, working in the kitchen can fill up most of our days when we do not resort to all the conveniences available to us today. (Yesterday, my son offered to use an app on his phone to order a single can of beer to be delivered post haste to our door. I declined but shuddered at the prospect of such a dubious service. What’s next? Someone to drink it for me?) As part of my recovery therapy, cooking offers a number of benefits in a quest for improved quality of life. Inherent in cooking for yourself are opportunities for a greater sense of control, a healthier diet, working with your hands, and the simple joy of doing something completely and excellently and by yourself. Don’t forget the things that will be missing while you are alone in the kitchen: dependence upon cooperation and coordination, miscommunication with others, division of labor negotiations, management oversight, assigning blame, and cleaning up someone else’s mess.
Don’t give up on me; I plan to be back. I enjoy what I have been doing. As Hemingway observed about following our chosen path, it may be the most difficult thing I have ever undertaken but it is also the most satisfying and fulfilling. But, as I wrote wistfully in my personal journal recently: We cannot escape from our responsibilities but we can seek temporary relief as needed.
When will I be back? I will definitely take the rest of the month of July off. But, is there an end date for this period of solitude and digital silence? I will answer that with the closing lines from a story by Gordon MacQuarrie:
“Did he say when he would reach Nine Mile?”
“Yes, sir. He said he would get there when he was damn good and ready.”
There was a pause and a sigh at the other end of the line. Then Banks said, “That’s him, all right.”
Thus… Goodbye for now.
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And, if my lament has moved you, please move to my Buy Me A Coffee page to show how moved you are. It’s your last chance until I resume this weekly drivel.
Enjoy your break, Randy!