An Old Expat Looks Back
Sunrise view from the 18th Floor Homestead
What do you do when you are wide awake at 4 AM but you have to stay quiet for another hour or two while your two roommates sleep? What do you think when you hear the sound of trash trucks on the street below and their hydraulic lifts make the same sound as the river boats hooting in the night on the Mississippi when you were a kid staying for a few days with your grandmother in the big city of St. Louis?
You think, perhaps too much. Then you write in your journal:
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Wednesday, 22 January 2025
As I was preparing to start this entry, I was struck by an eerie sense of deja vu. Before opening the journal file, I checked news - dismal and juvenile - and email. In an email, Anton wrote to print only a couple of pages of KT2 to test for appearance, etc. but read through as a final proofreading exercise. I can do that; just put it on my to-do list for today. That was when I realized that the sensation of a long checklist and a short time before leaving was the same as I felt twenty-one years ago as I was preparing to leave Rolla for that first flight to China. Of course, back then, I was a much less experienced traveler so there was much that was new in addition to the long checklist of routine items. Still, the momentary thrill of preparing for a journey and having a deadline approaching rapidly was the same as before. Everything has to be complete in only a few days or it will not get done. Or, as in 2004, I can reassure myself that I can work on the train - the plane in 2004 - or after I arrive. One significant difference is that my computer - still in a carry-on bag that I will personally carry against the unknown hazards of unknown people handling it - is much more powerful and sophisticated. Hard to believe the difference. My new laptop (Reba) is wifi-capable so it doesn’t need a cable connection. I can even use it with my phone’s hot spot feature if necessary. And, as a published author, I am much more comfortable with the processes. Plus, I have Karen and Sonia and Anton to guide me through the various steps. In 2004, there was no self-publishing; all I did was write a personal journal and email letters.
Another major difference between 2004 and 2025 is that, in 2004, my possessions consisted of what I could carry in three suitcases plus three cardboard boxes I had mailed a few weeks earlier from Rolla. In 2025, my life is filled with mostly needless, often useless or outdated or forgotten items that clutter up my mind, my computer memory, and my work space… and the rest of the 18th Floor Homestead. Another change is the availability of good coffee to start my day. I remember the joy and pleasure of coffee back in 2004 when I was without that daily joy.
Yet another change - the biggest of all - is that I arrived alone and was thinking only of myself. Now, I have the blessing and support of Sunny and CS to accompany me through my busy days. Yes, sometimes a mixed blessing as they are also one of the chief sources of stress and complications and delays in my world today. In addition to Sunny and CS, a handful of local friends and Sunny’s family provide company and a sounding board plus access to the local hospitals as needed.
And, of course, the geezers make my life more comfortable with their welcoming support, their rowdy tales of past glories and humiliations, and reminders of old music and movies and the people we used to be. And, all too frequently, we note together, with a tinge of sadness, the passing of an iconic figure from those years. Yes, although there were many wonderful features in the simple, isolated life I experienced when I first arrived in 2004, my life is much better now in 2025.
Gratitude:
1) Grateful for this journal for recording my events and my feelings about them.
2) Grateful for a clear mind after a good night’s sleep so I can write thoughtfully.
3) Grateful for the many different friends and online publishing options.
4) Grateful for waking up feeling good and peaceful and with no sense of rushing to appointments.
5) Grateful for waking up and remembering to be quiet so SF and CS can sleep peacefully for a couple more hours.
6) Grateful for the possibility of rain to clean the air in the next day or two.
7) Grateful for the upcoming trip with CS. Grateful I can feel comfortable because this is not a new experience. Grateful for the amazing convenience and comfort of a high-speed train.
8) Grateful for knowing I will carry a fully-capable mobile office with internet access with me.
9) Grateful for all the amenities and conveniences in my life today.
10) Grateful, of course, most of all for SF and CS.
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And so, dear readers, if you cannot share this sense of gratitude as you begin your day, maybe you should consider making a major change in your life also. I don’t necessarily mean become an expat. That path is not for everyone but it has many distinct and wonderful features for those who choose it. Maybe it just means a paradigm shift while at the same address. Just remember: The person holding you back… is you.
However, if you are considering the expat life, welcome!